The Viper Loop

The Viper Loop is named after the pub of the same name nestled in the woods on the backside of our favourite local lap. Our testing ground. Providing a home for solo jaunts, chainys, time trials and the odd road race. We even made a tee shirt based on it once. You will doubtless have your own Viper but this one is ours and she is fondly thought of.

Through the trees!

The start could be anywhere, as its a circle, but for posterity we will take it from the Shaftsbury TT start, just to the north of the village. The Viper meanders gently downhill eventually bombing past The Duckpond and out into the lanes. As with any Mistress She can make you feel a million dollars but can also swiftly nip you in the arse. After taking a left on the grottiest corner in Essex she begins to bend you over for the first time.  Feeling strong and riding with tempo or getting well behind the gear? It’s not so much a choice but a type of fortune. Through the woods this soup thickens. The turn onto Blackmore Rd is tight but crucial to carry speed into the next segment to Beggar Hill where you can briefly spin the legs before attacking the solitary col on course; the notorious Fryerning Bump up to the church at the top of the hill. Have you no braked the corner? Have you hit the pothole on the inside? Avoided the little drain cover? Checked all three then it's guns out! If your legs can carry you past the junction with Fryerning Lane then its free speed(ish) for a while but you’ll have to actually bury yourself in her bosum.

 Past a long row of what are officially known as FOMH’s (see appendix) and gathering momentum past the point of Pauls second puncture (on what will always be remembered as a dark day for cycling) and into the technical part of the course. A rare right hander taken quickly sends you past The Cricketers. If you manage not to get “car doored” by a Range Rover and some old boy pissed on Rosé then you are cleanly into the woods, through the tunnel of trees (hopefully not been taken out by a stray deer) and past our protagonist. The Viper is a unique pub. Nestled in the Essex woodland the owners tank is often parked outside (you read that correctly) next to a couple of fellas having an early red. Purveyors of a fine ploughmans, a better sausage roll, a fairly priced pint (for this day and age) as well as an excellent beer festival that has been known to push the boundaries of the blood alcohol limit. We once again digress.

The next bit could and should be brakeless and although terrifying is pretty satisfying and gives you a bit of speed to bunny hope the plethora of potholes (nice alliteration) around the subsequent corners which might prove crucial as we pass the deer field and drop into the suburbs of Highwood (pop~696). The final junction eases you into the draggiest of drags around with the final sharp left getting draggier past Radical Bike Park, through the woods and back to our starting point. A 15/20 min loop, 2 pubs, 600 deer, 13 Range Rovers and if you’re lucky a tank.  

One lap or two? one hard, one easy, two hard? Half a lap, three pints and half a lap? The configuration is up to you. She is ours, and yours to dictate but don't take her for granted. She bites.

Appendix

FOMH’s - Fuck Off Massive Houses

Should we bring it back?